By Hanna Berndt
You can find family just about anywhere. Had you told me this two years ago I probably would have laughed and said sure. Now having moved abroad for studies and gone to Kosovo, I would smile and agree with a nod of the head. Looking back at our time in Kosovo the one word that comes closest to summing up my feelings and encounters I had during the trip is family. Family did not just shine through the conversations we had with several individuals for our project, but I also felt it through the people I was surrounded by.
Thus far when talking about home I always refer to the place first and secondly the people. One place is Frankfurt, it's where my parents live, it's where I grew up and went to school. The other place is Amsterdam, where I came to study and found friends who quickly made it my second home. Of course the people play a big role in making these places feel like home, but they are usually not the first thing I refer to when talking about home; it always starts with a place. Now Kosovo, while I fell in love with the country, is far from becoming the third place on that list. But being there felt like home: familiar, comfortable, secure. And so I want to talk to you about how I found family in Kosovo.
When I started thinking about my topic for this blogpost I was unsure what to focus on. There were so many impressions that stood out to me, and so many experiences that all are worth sharing, making it hard to pick just one. But one instance that I have not been able to forget is our conversation with Fatlum, whom we met in Pristina, though he originally comes from Prizren. He is part of Roma Versitas, himself having a Roma background. We met with members of the Roma Versitas organization in a loud café where the waiters kept passing through the room with orders always half interrupting our meeting. After the meeting, we talked to Fatlum for our project. For this project we ask people two questions: 1) “What does peace mean to you?”, and 2) “What brings you (inner) peace?” and we take their portraits to create profiles in a zine illustrating perspectives on peace from Kosovo. You can have a look at our final project here: https://heyzine.com/flip-book/2d11fe0963.html
Now Fatlum, understood our second question as “Who brings you peace?” instead of “What brings you peace?”. While some might call it a misunderstanding, we simply let his intuition take the lead and thank God we did, because he started talking about his grandmother Nafia. As he was talking about her he said: “Who brings me the most peace is my grandmother Nafia. She works like a lion, she does everything for me, and when I have time with her, she mostly brings me peace.” First of all I found it beautiful that he associated peace with a person, because all other people previously had talked about certain hobbies or activities like being in nature or doing martial arts, which help them find inner peace. Even though some had mentioned community and family, their answers remained in broad terms and so, hearing a story about a specific person and their impact on someone else was extremely touching.
Second of all, listening to Fatlum, I felt reminded of my own grandma. She also is a lion at heart and there is nothing in her way that can stop her when she puts her mind to something. That is my grandma on my mom’s side. She means the world to me, and while I don’t see her often, whenever I do I enjoy her caring and inquisitive presence. She’s also important to me because I did not get to experience my grandma on my dad’s side. Before I was born she was already suffering from early onset Alzheimer and by the time I was old enough to potentially connect with her, the Alzheimer had already rendered her unreachable. She was still a quite presence in the family, with my grandpa taking care of her. At all family gatherings you could feel and hear her presence through the quite munching as she was fed the apple strudle that my grandpa makes, having learnt it from his mother-in-law. Therefore the only way I got to experience my dad’s mom is through the stories I was told of her, and from those stories she sounds like a strong and brave woman; another lion, that I would have loved to know. I am grateful to Fatlum for reminding me of these two women in my family. I often take my grandma’s presence for granted and Fatlum made me realize the importance of cherishing family as much as you can.
In Kosovo family is treasured; it serves as an escape, a safe space, and a support network that makes rough times go by a bit easier. The sentiment of always returning to Kosovo to be around family could be felt everywhere. Young people looking forward to the visa liberalization next year emphasized they would always come back, because living away from family in another country was unimaginable. The ties of family also extended beyond the people, manifesting in a deep love and connection to the country itself.
I think in a way, these sentiments reflected onto us as a group. The more time we spent together in Kosovo, the closer we grew as a group. Of course it's normal to grow together when being together quite literally 24/7. But in no way was I expecting such strong bonds to form between us. While I did not feel it as much during our time there, I definitely felt it through the absence of the people when we were back in Amsterdam. It was weird to not have collective dinners together and see each other constantly. Obviously there had been annoying moments, but back in Amsterdam I found myself craving the presence of their tired faces in the morning, their laughs, the funny stories we started to share after a few drinks, and the supportive hugs on rough days. Before going I was scared, because I didn’t know anyone too well and trust doesn’t come easy for me but being far away from the places I call home, I found family in the people I was with.
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