Unlearning

By Szymon Bajerski
 
“[…] what matters even more than what we learn, is the unlearning.”
                                                                                    Besa Luci, Co-founder of Kosovo 2.0
 
Over the last three weeks we have heard (and shared) strikingly different stories. From hope to despair, from ambitious plans to chaos, our Kosovar speakers gifted us 45-minute-long insights into their daily struggles. It is impossible not to notice contradictions appearing between those testimonies. I sometimes found it difficult to make sense of such incoherent tales. A difference in perspectives — between individuals, groups, nations — leads to construction of parallel narratives, already predestined to never meet in the aphoristic middle. Generations share stories of hatred, mistreatment, offence. Misunderstandings only deepen with time as truth is lost somewhere in the story. We learn what (or whom) to perceive, but also how to perceive it.
 
To become an actor of change is to learn how to speak. It is to learn how to listen. But it is also to unlearn. Old habits die hard: leaving narratives, especially those shared throughout centuries, behind is not easy. Sometimes the discriminatory meaning is incorporated in the everyday language so deeply, that we don’t even realise what hurtful words we may use. Reconciliation is however not possible, unless the conflicted groups allow themselves to think of each other as equals. They must be given a voice, to create a new, shared story to tell.  

Kosovo’s Prime Minister Albin Kurti shared with us his idea to create common schools for kids of Albanian, Serb and other origins. Although I often don’t agree with Mr. Kurti, this time I was truly fascinated. Such schools attempt to reshape the narrative through collective experiences: of growing up together, forming friendships, falling in love, intermarrying.  “Forgetting” the never-ending tension. Unlearning the way they’re spoken about.
 
Personally, Peace Lab Kosovo has proven to be an unlearning process. Every time I started to form a somewhat coherent opinion on the conflict, the next interviewee would successfully shutter it into pieces. At first it resulted in frustration. With time, I could see the impact the process had for me. To leave one’s damaging presuppositions behind is to free self from the negative emotions one carries. Prejudices have the power to ruin the conversation, but they do so from the inside. They shape minds, close ears, open the door to violence. Only a real striving for forgiveness can make one truly understand the other.
 
So I urge you to think: What do you have yet to unlearn?